Don't Wear Clothes at Random and other thoughts

Every semester where I teach ESL, at mid-terms and finals there is mass grading of student essays and speaking tests. The students are at various levels in their English learning, and, as to be expected, sometimes things don't come out exactly as they'd intended. Thus, funny student quotes get passed around in emails, making the massive grading load just a little more bearable for us teachers. This time around, I collected the quotes from my and other teachers' grading to share with the rest of you. 

Perhaps we're all better off not knowing what students need this for...

"International students need much money for their studying. Likewise they need many things in their life like clothes, cellophane, and material for studying."

Seems a bit harsh to me.

From a SPEAK test, giving directions: 

“Turn left, then you will see the child care center in your face.”   

This explains a lot.

"International students cannot sleep one time so they look tired."

They must be reading the box for the Godiva Brownie Mix. 

"In addition, the students will see delicious taste with reading and more exacted when they do homework."    

Boy, sure wish someone would send me one after a hard class...

"For example, if some student did not come to the class and today we have a hard class, and I know this student is absent, so I send massage for him."

Smokers, this must be very uncomfortable for you...

"Also, the smokers have hard breath."

I just knew our job was dangerous. 

"There are many bad effects to come late to the class like; entrap the teacher and miss smoothing very important part of the lesson."

I do hope everyone's brain and sheep are in a good way today. 

"Moreover, there are many good advantages for sleep early like; healthier to the body, make the brain in a good way and make the sheep for the body very good."

This is just plain scary. Do they know something we don't??

"Global Worming is one of the most serous issues for our environment, our health and our economy."

   

Please,please, please don't let this person ever be in government...

"People should have the right to clean air and safe environment, and the government should stop that from happening to protect its citizens from its dangers including the fact that it is a huge risk for both smokers and non-smokers."

Always good advice...

"almost all people always wear clothes anytime and anywhere. However, I think that we should not wear many kinds of clothes at random. We should wear them selectively."

Hmm. This sounds more like a Mel Brooks movie to me... 

"I watched a lot of interesting movies, but THE WIND IS GONE is the most interesting movie which I watched in my life. The story-back-round was The War of South America and North America. It talked about a girl who name was Scali. She was a beauty, smart and independent. When she dreamed in love, the war happened.

Scali was acted by Fewenny who was a famous actress."

This just seems a bit harsh...

"If these two countries’ young people are not over the legal age for drinking alcohol and seeks by policemen, they will get the lawful educate.Therefore, the government need to solute children drinking alcohol."

Cars just get smarter and smarter. 

"cars made our life more essayer "

Well, I guess I better go ahead and eat that cupcake, you know, for safety.

"This fat can make women warm in winter and be safety when the wind blowing."

On second thought, if it's going to cause debates, perhaps I'd better not...

"The junk food is a serious disease. There are many diseases which are produced by junk food such as, obesities, high blood pressure, and debates"

Wait a second. I thought if I built it they would come? Oh darn.

"If you do not have friends, you should study hard, and they will come to you."

(I have no idea why those places are marked in white and I have given up trying to fix it - sigh.)